Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Mommy loves theme days. A lot. It means cute clothes, fun food ideas, and possibly crafts.
This is what I’d envisioned for our St. Patrick’s Day:
Roll eyes, snort, guffaw…that didn’t happen.
What did happen:
The night before, I picked out my green skinny jeans. Kiddo picked out a green t-shirt, green underwear, and HER green skinny jeans and green socks. I mean, how cute, right?
Our scene opens the morning of St. Patrick’s Day as the mother and child face the previously-selected clothing.
Mommy: Look! We can wear matching pants today! Your jeans are green and my jeans are green!
Toddler: No. I don’t want to.
Mommy: Don’t want to what? Wear the jeans?
Toddler: No, I don’t want to match you.
Mommy: (stinging from insult, trying a new approach). But on St. Patrick’s Day, we wear as much green as we can!
Toddler: But you’re not wearing all green.
Mommy: (Trapped! She’s right!) I’m wearing lots of green. Look at my pants!
Toddler: Those pants are not lots of green.
Mommy: Okay, can you wear the rest of the clothes YOU picked out?
Toddler: Just the shirt. And stop saying you’re wearing lots of green.
Mommy: (Attempting negotiation) If I wear a green sweater, will you wear your pants and socks?
Toddler: You do not have a green sweater, Mommy.
Mommy: Yes, I do. And I will wear it if you wear your pants and socks.
Toddler: (Insistent) YOU DO NOT HAVE A GREEN SWEATER!!!
Mommy: I do. Want me to show it to you?
Toddler: STOP SAYING YOU HAVE A GREEN SWEATER! YOU DO NOT!
Mommy: (bringing over the kelly green sweater, which clashes ridiculously with the minty green pants). Here, I can wear this, and you can wear yours. (Resigning herself to looking like a crazy lady for just the morning)
Toddler: No. I will wear other pants. (opens the drawer and picks out pink). I will wear these. And I will NOT wear THOSE socks.
Mommy: Fine. But we don’t have other clean socks. The only ones we have are the snowman socks. At least they have a green band on them.
Toddler: Fold them. (mommy folds them down) Not like that. (Trying again) Not like that. (Trying again) NOT LIKE THAT. (Giving up). I want my fancy shoes. I want cereal. And milk. Cow milk. Not soy milk like you, mama.
So, we gave up on eating anything adorable and festive, like green oatmeal, or green milk, or green scrambled eggs, or green smoothies. Or making any green crafts for that matter. We did have fun with hair accessories, so it wasn’t all down-and-dirty negotiation. Lucky me. Maybe St. Patrick’s Day isn’t about Pin-worthy desserts or showing family solidarity by coordinating our clothing selections. It’s really about goofing around in front of the mirror and wearing whatever the hell we want.
Happy St. Patty’s Day, everyone!
Toddler couldn’t give less of a sh*t about St. Patrick’s Day. Or anything not purple.